My New Normal

I have had bouts of anxiety for many years. It has always been, what I would now classify as, mild. I was on medication for awhile until I lost my insurance. That was a few years ago. Since then I have been just dealing with it and have done alright. Now over the past few months things have slowly started to change. I have begun having small panic attacks and my anxiety got so much worse. Yesterday I went out with my husband and kids to run a few errands and grocery shop. I was fine at the first store. Then came the next. By then the kids were starting to complain about being out and running errands. They were expecting a new toy they bought in the mail and wanted to be home for that. They were hungry. Their feet hurt..... Just typical kid stuff, but it quickly started to get me going. I started getting heart palpitations and shaky. I was short of breath. Then we grabbed something to eat. I thought maybe that would calm things down. They kids wouldn't be hungry anymore and we would have a chance to relax. No such luck. Then we go to the grocery store and they continue to complain and then start to entertain themselves. Again, just being kids. My mood continues to decline until we get home. By then I am just over it all, over the day. I put the food away and sit down. My husband starts talking to me and I start t cry. I cried for like a half hour. My husband calmed me down, and finally it was over.

OMG

This was the first time it had been that bad. Is this how it is now? Is this what my life is now? Trying to figure out how many errands my nerves can handle before having a panic attack. I can't do this. I have a house to run and two kids to raise. I don't have time for this. I need to figure out how to deal with this and move on.