Sports Fans

                            Summer Olympics in Rio 2016


I really like the summer Olympics. Swimming and gymnastics are my favorites! So far we ave done well. Micheal Phelps is picking up right where he left off. America's favorite, Gabby Douglas, may have some competition this year. Simone Biles is awesome! So far USA has 12 medals including 3 gold medals. The very first gold medal was won for target shooting by a girl from right here in Virginia!


                                     

                                          FOOTBALL TIME


Football is back guys!! This is the one sport I follow. Our very first pre-season game will be this Thursday!! Our very first game will be the Washington Redskins vs. the Atlanta Falcons! Now I am a Kansas City fan and our first game will be on Saturday @ 4:30pm against the Seattle Seahawks! I can't wait!

Home Sweet Home

This weekend my husband ad I went to his family's house for the weekend. We always try to see his family and mine before school starts. We used to live with his family. Going back there was like stepping back in time. It was very nice to visit with them. However, it made me really look at where we were and where we are now. Only a year ago we lived in that tiny trailer with 4 other people. So there were 8 of us total. It was crowded and loud and hectic. We had no space or privacy. Now we live in our own home, for the first time as a family. We have space for all four of us. We can be a family. We can make choices based solely on what is best for our family and what we want to do rather than on whatever best works for a whole household full of other people. It was a long weekend, but nice to visit. I am glad to be home, in our home. 

What We Pass On

When I had children I knew that we would be passing on a piece of ourselves. I remember wondering what color eyes they would have? What color hair would they have? How tall would they be? Would they be smart? Would they be athletic or artistic?

I never thought about bad traits. I always thought about the good ones. The funny ones. The silly ones. I didn't think about passing on my neurosis. I never thought I would pass along my fears. I most definitely didn't think I would pass along my anxiety. I never thought about how I would deal with a pint sized version of my anxiety riddled self.

I find that my anxiety has grown over the years. When I was younger it was mostly just worrying all of the time. It was little OCD's that I did not always understand. I remember feeling like I must be crazy. I hid these things from people for so long. I was the strong one. I could not show anyone that I was not always so strong. That I worried about every little detail so much that it was crippling at times. Now as I get older all of the hiding has built up on me. It rears it's ugly head as I grocery shop with the kids. Or as I do the laundry. All of the sudden my heart is pounding and I am short of breath. Or maybe on nights when my husband is working late I sit waiting for him in the quiet. After the kids are in bed I sit and listen to every little sound wondering what it is. Then the worst scenario pops into my head and plays out like a movie.

Now my six year old little boy has anxiety. Some days I wonder how to deal with my own issue. How in the world will a six year old deal with it? How will I help him deal with it? I watch him be timid with other people he does not know. I watch him feel bad about himself no matter what I tell him. I watch him shut people out because he is so afraid to be himself for fear of being judged. How do I make him feel better? I don't even know how to make myself feel better all of the time. I guess we will learn together. I hope that I can help him understand himself much sooner than I did. 

Kids Being Kids?

As I posted about earlier, my kids are with family for a few days for the first time. They are with my sister-in-law for my nephew's birthday today. She took the three of them to Chucke Cheese and out to lunch. So I talked to her a little bit ago when she tells me that my kids were arguing. Big surprise! They argue ALL the time. They are only 18 months apart and everything is a competition. So this time they were arguing over which one of them was more special in our family.So my sister-in-law promptly tells them that they are equally special. At which point my oldest starts whispering in my youngest's ear. He tells him that is not true. That he is more special and they are not equal! As I am listening to her tell me this my heart just sinks. 

My youngest son is a sweet boy who has very little confidence. It has been a big problem. He is always trying to measure up to his older brother and always feels like he falls short no matter what. No matter what we tell him. We can't figure it out. Now I am wondering if my oldest has been doing this? I am so angry with him right now. I just don't even know what to say. I am almost glad that I am not there. This is one of those times that it may be best if a little time passes before I talk to him about it. This kind of meanness is just unacceptable as far as I am concerned. I do not like it and it is not how they have been raised thus far. 

So I am telling my sister-in-law how I feel when she says "oh it's just kids being kids". Is this true? Is this how kids are with each other at some point? Is this how siblings are with each other? I was raised as an only child so I do not understand a lot of this sibling rivalry. My husband tries to explain it to me from time to time. So am I making too big a deal out of this? Is this just how brothers are? If it is I guess I am going to need some thicker skin.

The Train Wreck We Can't Stop Watching

                                                              The Don 


It is almost to the point that I have run out of ways to describe the cancerous tumor that is Donald Trump. Every day there is something new. Every day he has managed to be more disgusting than the day before. I pride myself on being an open-minded person. Someone who is willing to look at all sides before making my choice. I absolutely do not understand how anyone is supporting this man. Why? How do you convince yourself that he is a good man? That he is right for our country? What could possibly be going on in your head?

So here is a video where a woman with a baby is at his rallie. Her baby starts crying, smart baby. He tells her not to worry, it's fine. Then has her removed. Yet, I bet that woman will still vote for him.

http://www.nbcnews.com/card/trump-baby-get-out-here-jk-n621711?cid=sm_fb

A man, a supporter, went to Trump and handed him his purple heart. Wow! What a gesture. He gets on stage and makes a joke out of it.

http://www.nbcnews.com/politics/2016-election/trump-jokes-he-always-wanted-purple-heart-n621661?cid=sm_fb

One of his sons has been talking about sexual harassment. He thinks that women invite men to sexually harass them. He has been "invited" by women many times to sexually harass them. Trump must be so proud! He has raised his boys to be just as narcissistic and perverse as he is. Then during an hour long national security briefing he asks three times why we can't just use nuclear weapons? These are the kinds of things he will have more control over if voted into the White House.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/8/3/1556180/-Trump-asked-3-times-in-an-hour-national-security-briefing-why-we-can-t-just-use-nuclear-weapons

                                                      VOTE BLUE!!

Mommy?....Tara!

It is 7 am and I am sitting here in complete silence. My children are gone for a few days with family. The first time ever. As I watched them drive away this morning all of the sudden all of these feelings came rushing to me. What if they needed me? What if Gavin got leg cramps? Would they know what to do to make him feel better? What if Aiden got scared at night? Would they know just how to cuddle him to make him feel better? I ran down the list of what if's for quite some time while putting on a happy carefree smile. As if I was totally fine with them leaving without us. Don't get me wrong, I completely trust the people they are with. However, through no fault of their own.... they are not me. That sounded a little conceded which I am not at all, but when it comes to being mommy I guess we all think that no one can kiss those boo boo's better than we can.

Ok.. so now that I got past that.... now what? Who am I when I am not "mommy"? I have no idea! I have been "mommy" for the past 8 1/2 years straight now. Before that I was 24 years old. I am definitely not that girl anymore. I honestly have no idea what I will do with my time today. The next two days I have errands to run...child free errands! My husband is working late tonight and then during the day tomorrow. So it will just be me....in the quiet. Boy it's quiet. Man I knew my kids were kind of loud, but wow. I had no idea lol. I am still unsure of what I will do today, but whatever it is... Tara will do it!

Chapters Of Parenthood

There I am. My first child is learning to walk and I am pregnant with our second child. My memories from that chapter are still so vivid. I can almost still feel it. I was working with Gavin to sleep in his own bed and for longer. With a new baby coming, I felt under the gun to get things in order and to get my first son where he should be. Not that I had much of a clue as to where that was. I was learning as I go, as I suspect most new mothers do. I remember being a little bit scared. I felt like I had just figured out what to do with Gavin. How was I going to take care of a 1 year old AND and infant? I barely survived Gavin as an infant and he was the only one. Gavin was very much a mama's boy. Now there would be an infant to hold and take care of. How would Gavin react? 

Aiden is here and now we are a family of four. Look at them, so peaceful. That never lasts long. My husband and I slept in shifts for at least six months. I would go to sleep early and my husband would stay up until around 3/4am and then I would get up. He would then lay down and sleep in late. Aiden slept, BUT he would start to wake up about every half hour and want to be rocked in his bed for a min. He did this ALL night long. I still preferred it to Gavin who had colic and only slept for 20mins a few times a day. He spent most of the rest of it screaming. I thought I would never sleep again! Gavin did pretty well with the new baby. He was curious and wanted to help. He was a bit angry with me though, but we got through it.

Fast forward about six months... Aiden is spirited and always wants to be on the go. While Gavin is starting to be a bit controlling and is always showing his brother what he can do. Thus starts Gavin's feeling of superiority and Aiden's feelings of always being picked on. The life long competition. 

One of my favorite photos. They now both walk and talk, whewwww. I am always running after them. Two kids in diapers at the same time, bottles and sippy cups, two toddlers at once. I did not have twins, but I felt like I did. They were a handful, a wonderful handful. 

Here were my babies last year. They were dressed and ready for a Christmas show at school! Wow! They grown up so fast. I love how big they are getting. They are becoming so independent. They get dressed, brush their teeth, get breakfast.... 

Here they are this summer. This year they will be in 2nd and 3rd grade! Just a few pictures ago they were babies who needed me fore everything. It is wonderful and scary all at once. Sometimes I think I will blink a few too many times and they will be grown and gone. Every time they get on my nerves I just think how I will miss this not long from now. They are growing into such wonderful little people. Smart, thoughtful, caring, independent young men. I am so proud of them. I love you boys... Here's to the next chapter!